E-couragement: Empty Your Bank
Rich and his grown up teacher, Taylor
“One person with a commitment is worth a hundred who only have an interest.” Mary Crowley
When my oldest daughter was six, we participated in a program to collect money for hunger relief in third world countries. I thought this would be a great opportunity to teach Taylor about the art of giving. That’s what dads and leaders do—they teach—and people learn. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be?
The program included a brochure from Manna International. On the outside of the brochure was a picture of a young, malnourished boy, drinking dirty water from a spigot with a rusty and broken metal cup. Inside was a calendar. Each day had a question followed by instructions. Example:
May 1st: If you have more than one pair of shoes, give 5 cents.
May 2nd: If you eat more than one meal per day, give 25 cents.
And so on…
Each morning I’d announce, “Taylor, get your bank; it’s time to do your giving calendar.” She would reluctantly obey, hoping the financial dent would be minimal. She was marginally compliant with my intent to teach her to be a gracious giver.
One week into our project, she stared at the brochure and asked: “Dad, when we collect this money, will it help this boy buy a new shiny cup?” I thought, and then responded, “I bet this money could buy him a new cup.” Taylor pondered that a moment and then walked away with a little more pep in her step.
The next day, she was waiting for me to read our assignment. May9th: If you have your own mode of transportation, give twenty-five cents. Out came a quarter from her bank into our collection pile. Wow, I thought. This is what I call commitment!
May 31st: If you live in a house with just one family, give fifteen cents. Taylor reached into her bank and extracted her coins. “Dad,” she said, “I want to give all my money for the boy’s new cup!” Isn’t that nice, I thought. But that’s not what the program requires.
I replied, “Taylor, that sure is thoughtful of you, but the program only asks for fifteen cents today. You’ve done a good job; we’re ready to turn your money in. Go ahead and take your bank back to your room.” As the teacher and leader, it seemed to me that this lesson was complete.
A week later, I was in a meeting. The discussion turned to the challenge of leading teams toward meaningful goals and the temptation for people to “hold back” or not give their all. I was immediately reminded of my last “teaching session” with Taylor. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I hurried back home from my appointment and called Taylor’s name. Kneeling down at eye level, I said, “Taylor, I was wrong; you were right. You should have given it all. I’m sorry I stopped you. Whenever you believe so strongly in something again, go ahead and give everything you’ve got.”
Taylor had become the teacher, and I the student.
What a lesson on commitment she had taught me. Having a deep belief in something will cost you. It may cost more than you initially bargained for. As an engaging leader you’ll need to be committed to those who follow. You’ve got to go beyond the surface level. Giving “15 cents from your bank” may feel like you’re fully supportive of a person or an ideal. Take a lesson from Taylor; until you’re willing to give it all you may be interested…but not committed.
Leave your comments: Recall a time when you knew a boss or peer was fully committed to you…what was most meaningful about it? As an engaging leader, how do you demonstrate your commitment to those you lead?
Great writing buddy. Taylor has grown into a beautiful, bright young woman. You are a great dad. Emily
Thank you my friend and colleague. While writing this I could hear your voice, “Taylor, I was wrong!” Thanks for all your encouragement–it means the world to me!
Thank you for sharing that story Rich. You have such a gift for presenting the message with a personal flair! I can really relate to your stories. Also, I have found that when you give with such passion, the return is always greater than the investment. Thanks again for your E-couragement!
Thanks Stephen. It’s cool that the universal law says we’ll “harvest” greater than we have “sown.” It’s better than the strongest 401K around. Appreciate your thoughts.
Inspiring story on many levels. Beautifully articulated. Thanks for sharing and inspiring.
Mitch, appreciate your encouragement. Inspiring leadership lessons can be found in everyday occurrences. Isn’t it great to have daughters? They’re great teachers–especially for dads.
Dear Rich,
Oh if we all could teach our children and in return let our children teach us, how much richer our lives would be. Many years ago, we were members of a church in Kernersville that is huge in number now. Our son is the youngest charter member as he signed the charter when he was 10 years old. At the time of the church groundbreaking, our son had a huge “Hulk” bank that I had started for him before he was born. During the building fund raising for our church, he came to us and wanted to donate the entire contents of his Hulk bank to building the church. Today he is a 31 year old father of three and he still looks at that church with a knowledge that he had part in building something wonderful. Oh to have the heart of a child.
Well done Rich.
Daugthers do teach by challenging us on their unique way.
Thank you
Eduardo
Appreciate your story Denisa. As adults we need to call on that “heart of a child” still residing within us. Leaders often confuse “childlike” with being “childish.” Although they sound alike they’re worlds apart and reap far different results. Peace.
Eduardo–the Buddhist proverb tells us when the student is ready the teacher will appear. My daughters have been little “Buddha’s” for me many times. I don’t always enjoy the lessons but they make me better. Thanks.
Rich –
You have an amazing way of cutting right to the heart of any matter – and with this post it is OUR HEARTS! Thank YOU for giving me this reminder and touching my heart, mind and soul this morning – I have been challenged – now moving toward being committed!
Great post Rich! Think about your average bacon and eggs breakfast…The chicken is interested, but the hog is committed!
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Don’t forget you have taught me more lessons than I will ever be able to write down!
I love you so much!
I think kids are also very courageous and have no prejudist or mental blocks to launching into action or commit to all. As adults, there are so many voices keeping us from acting or living our visions. Got to get that youthful courage back. This lesson reminds me of the book you recommended called The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer. Anyone reading your column should consider reading.
Thanks
I found a note recently that my daughter’s fourth grade teacher had written to me when she was in her classroom many years ago. It was during the time when the media was exposing the many starving children in Biafra. It seems my daughter was attempting to sell her lunch, or various pieces of it to children in her class to support relief efforts for these children. The teacher was sure I would want to let her know that was not appropriate. As a parent I really struggled with how to handle that. I appreciated her heart and truthfully our children have plenty to eat and selling some of her food was not going to leave her going to bed hungry. It does make you wonder why we want to teach our children the joy of giving but sometimes take the joy out of it for them.
Rich, having you known you for a while, I’ve heard this story before. I remember you sharing it our Care Group one night in Greensboro. It never gets old, though. Thanks for the reminder. I learn lessons from my kids everyday. I would probably learn more if I slowed down enough to really listen to them more often. Thanks again and keep the good stuff coming!
Paolo…I like your idea of regaining our youthful courage. The times when dreaming came naturally and we were willing to act on them. It does seem that adulthood can restrict our natural state of belief, curiosity, and adventure. I admire the courage you demonstrate by being real and open with your team. Posting your vision on your refrigerator for all to see is risky! Let’s continue to encourage each other to hear and follow our calling.
Thanks Teri and David. Good point, why does the “joy of giving” become drudgery? Is it our belief in scarcity or making it mechanical instead of a natural circulation of our abundance given in a random and spontaneous fashion? The question might be “what can we learn from all of this and how will we allow it to change us?” I hope that this site is a place where encouragement fosters change in all of us. Keep your thoughts flowing…
I took the Dale Carnegie class a year ago and the benefits are still coming. The lessons I learned are greatly utilzed in my work and at home. Thank You
Rich, Great Story and especially helpful as I know you and your family. Further, as a “Dad” of daughters I feel a special connection to stories of Dads and Daughters…. Seeing the picture of you and Taylor added to the impact plus the note from Taylor was icing on the cake. I must admit, in the picture Taylor looks like she knows “what is going on” and you look a bit stiff and clueless
. Don’t worry, my pictures with Betsy and Sam look the same….
Regarding bosses who I knew were totally committed and devoted to me and my best outcome and benefit to the enterprise, I can think of only one, Larry. That is out of ten….one out of ten….only 10%. Not to say the others were not good bosses and good friends…they were and are. They were “interested”, some were very interested. Only one was “committed” and he remains a close personal friend. Over the next few days I will consider my role in co-creating that circumstance AND my role as “boss” to the people I lead at Syngenta.
Thanks for the story and the reflection it prompts.
Tom
Thank you Tom and Michelle. Tom, I must agree, daughters are God’s special gift to dads. I am abundantly blessed. Yes, Taylor does have it going on and I am not nearly as cool as I used to be! Interesting analysis of your “committed” leaders. I’d say 10% is a common experience. I admire your willingness to offer your followers a different experience by working beside a leader who is committed to them. Peace.
The beauty of humility…. recieving from those we think we need to teach, acknowledging our need. Beautiful Rich! That is the greatest lesson of all.
Dawn
Thank you Dawn. Hasn’t life been a grand teacher for us? Excited about the adventurous journey you and JT are following. My thoughts, prayers, and energy go out to you both. Peace.
Hi Rich, and Thanks for keeping me on your monthly mailings.Great Story This Month, As Usual. I’ve had my present job for over two years now, and am thankful for it…I just wish I had a boss who had a better understanding of what an ”engaging leader” was.
Talking to a dear friend of mine after Christmas, explaining my situation, she told me to “Do it as unto The Lord.” Realizing that I cannot make it by myself, and missing the Goodness of what a Church Family and HE can bring, I started going again…Every week the messege has been specific to my trials, and has helped beyond words…(of course it helps to Be Listening)
Keep Up The Good Work, and Thanks Again Friend.
Thanks Charlie. Good to hear from you. I always admire your willingness to be a student and a learner. Those are great attributes. Wish there were more engaging leaders out there. Seems to be a shortage–that’s why I believe my work is so important. Keep growing my friend!