EXTRAordinary! Inc. The Engagement Experts

Ivy Cavanaugh-Schlentz 1965-2012

“Shower the people you love with love…” James Taylor

I haven’t written a blog in over a month. That hasn’t happened for three years. I’ve struggled with how to get started again. Then in the silence, I recalled a recent client workshop. We were discussing key engagement principles for the workplace. Particularly, we were focused on “Make it Personal,” a concept in which intentional personal connections are made with customers and coworkers. Engagement happens when we take the risk to open up and share who we are while simultaneously seeking to know and understand others. As it often happens, my teaching was reflected back to me, calling out for my own application. My first “return post” would have to involve the principle of “make it personal.” I’d open up and let readers have a look into what’s happened in my life these past couple of months.

Over the years I’ve written about my wife and our journey through stage 4 metastatic breast cancer (Your Answers Lie Within, A Sign of the Times). I’ve blogged about how she has had such a positive impact in my life (Reflect). Our relationship lasted just over five years and on January 3, 2012 she passed away. Our last three weeks were spent in the hospital palliative care unit. The entire five years, and especially the final weeks, overflowed with personal learning. Many of which, I’m sure, will be fashioned into future blog lessons.

One particular experience sticks out in my mind. During our hospital stay, a song lyric continued to serenade my mind and heart. It was unprovoked and random, appearing while riding the elevator down to the cafeteria, sitting quietly by Ivy’s bedside, or even driving home to gather a clean set of clothes for the day. This song would powerfully emerge and have its way with me. It was the chorus from James Taylor’s, Shower the People. It goes like this:

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

This chorus was relevant and meaningful because Ivy and I were experiencing our very own shower of love. In so many ways we were drenched in love by family and friends from around the globe. We received prayers, encouraging Facebook posts, emails, cards, visits, flowers, and delicious, timely meals. We were wholly and beautifully loved.

I’ve pondered this experience. Why were we the beneficiaries of so much loving-kindness. I believe the answer is that in our living, we make it personal. Ivy spent much of her life connecting with and encouraging others. She did this methodically, one person at a time. People felt listened to and cared for in her presence. She remembered what they said and followed up to check in on how they were doing. This love we were receiving was a result of the law of sowing and reaping. Ivy had sown love, and as the universe promises, this was our time of harvest.  

I’ve entered a new season of my life—one without Ivy’s physical presence by my side. I nervously anticipate what 2012 will bring. I will encounter significant dates like Valentine’s day, Ivy’s birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, to name a few. When I wonder how I might navigate those important events, I relax and think, I’ll just soak myself in the shower of love that is sure to come my way.  

Gratefully yours,

Rich 

**Special thanks to my friends and colleagues Jerome Daley and Chris Laney who stepped in and helped me as guest bloggers for the month of January. I appreciate your talent and support.

Leave your comments…

Today’s E-couragement comes from writer/pilot Christopher Laney, blog author of Lessons from the Cockpit: Everyday Wisdom from the Flying Life.

There’s an old aviation joke that gets passed down often. It usually surfaces during the required night flight that every student must take during training. Night flights are stressful in a single engine plane. During the day, if you lose an engine, you’ve been trained to identify suitable fields within gliding distance for an emergency landing. But on a dark night with little moonlight, it’s impossible to distinguish an open field from a grove of trees.

Invariably, the student quizzes the flight instructor on the procedure for a lost engine at night. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Student: “What do I do if I lose the engine on the night flight?”

Instructor: “If there are no runways or interstates within gliding distance, maneuver away from the lit spaces, which are cities and towns, and fly toward a dark area.

Student: “But how do I know whether I’m headed toward an open field or a bunch of trees?”

Instructor: “As you get closer to the ground, turn on your landing light.”

Student: “And then what?”

Instructor: “If you don’t like what you see, turn it back off…”

Most of the time, it takes a few moments for the joke to sink in. The instructor’s smirk usually accelerates the realization, which is: turn the light back off because you don’t want to see what is about to happen.

But the flip side to this kidding around, is a wise piece of advice that is often relayed for a true emergency:

Never stop flying the plane, no matter what.

All may seem lost, but you still must fly the plane, even if it’s all the way down to the crash. Why? Because until you hit the ground, you still have some control, and you may be able to minimize impact somehow, even if you don’t have a nice open field to land in.

A prime example is Captain “Sully” Sullenberger’s response on US Airways Flight 1549. With both engines out over one of the largest cities on earth and no chance of making it back to the airport, a lesser person might have thrown his hands in the air and thought, why bother? But Sully flew the plane. He flew it all the way to the point of impact and didn’t lose a single soul.

Never stop flying the plane; never give up.

Of course, this is about influencing the outcome of what you can control, while letting go of what you can’t. And it has been written more eloquently than me in the Serenity Prayer. But the last line of that prayer is the kicker: having the wisdom to know the difference. May we always be able to tell.

And for all those items outside your control, just turn the landing light off and let go.

Christopher Laney is a writer/pilot/fitness instructor who seeks to wring the most out of life and loves sharing what he’s learned with others. He’s owned and grown two separate multi-million dollar businesses and is an in-demand speaker. Author of the blog, Lessons from the Cockpit: Everyday Wisdom from the Flying Life, Christopher also writes for magazines and recently completed a novel about discovering life’s hidden clues that show us who we are meant to be.

This installment of E-couragment is presented by guest blogger Jerome Daley, ACC, DPM.

When I was a kid, my size 12 feet earned me the nickname “Bigfoot” among my adoring siblings. It wasn’t a big deal, but it did make me feel awkward at times. Years later, a man spoke to me metaphorically about the same subject: “Your feet aren’t too big; it’s your shoes that are too small.” He went on to describe how I limited God’s large purposes for my life by my own small thinking. One simple reality. Two startlingly different interpretations. One perspective led to shame; the other led to significance.

I tend to think about the elements of my life—my relationships, my work, my family, and the moment-by-moment situations of each day—from one particular perspective: This experience is good. That relationship is bad. This child is easy…or difficult. My boss is a *&%$…oh wait, I am my boss! But what if I could change my perspective? What if I could change my thinking?

Two days ago I had a birthday and turned 46. It was as good a time as any to think about my thinking. I realized, not surprisingly, that I had mixed emotions about turning over the odometer of another year. I felt some resistance to the idea of aging—not as young, not as physically agile, perhaps not as socially relevant. Small fears. Understandable emotions. Not a big deal…or is it?

My thinking is shaped by past experiences, values, personality, and many other forces. I don’t usually see how my perspective is shaped and influenced; I just experience the thoughts and feelings that result in a given perspective. And I often miss the greatest truth about my thinking: it’s my choice. How I interpret my experience is up to me, and how you make sense of your experience is up to you. We get to pick!

So I made a few choices this week about how I want to think about getting older. Is age a blessing or a curse? Is age the accumulation of priceless wisdom…or is it the loss of youthful bliss? And who is it that decided for us—and established the dominant American mindset—that youth is so great? Without realizing it, I often let other people choose for me how I should think, but no more. I’m taking that ownership back.

Our choice in thinking leads to two (or more) different paths. If I resist age, where will that take me? I can imagine it leading me to ambivalence, self-doubt, over-compensation, insecurity, and a host of other negative dynamics. On the other hand, if I embrace and value what age brings me, then I have an immense amount to look forward to. This year holds immeasurable gifts, just waiting to be unwrapped. I can’t wait to be 46; it’s going to be a brilliant year. And 47 will be even better!

Leave your comments: How about you? What choices in thinking confront you today? What are you resisting or dreading that can be approached from a radically different perspective? An empowering perspective. Remember, you get to choose, so choose well.

“Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.” Dale Carnegie

We were having coffee at a local Starbucks and discussing strategies to grow our businesses in the upcoming year. My coffee partner is an author of six books as well as an experienced and successful life/professional development coach. He said, “Rich, I need to be better at selling. I’ve resisted this in the past. To be honest, the thought of being a ‘salesperson’ makes me uncomfortable. That’s got to change. I’m ready to improve my selling skills in order to add new business. Can you help me?” I was impressed with his honesty and courage as I wondered why the word “sales” causes such an adverse reaction in so many people. 

After a moment, I responded, “Here’s what I understand about your coaching business: Your job is to help clients discover solutions to their needs or challenges. You ask intentional questions. You listen. Then ask and listen some more until the solution they’re seeking becomes clear. You help then clarify and take the necessary action steps to make that solution a reality. How’s that sound?” He replied, “Yes, that’s exactly it.” Looking at him and smiling I concluded, “My friend, your coaching process is a very effective sales process.” He looked intrigued and relieved at the same time. I concluded, “Selling is simply asking skillful questions, listening intently, and guiding someone to the right solution that achieves their desired outcome.”

He was convinced. “Okay, I’m in. What’s an effective sales questioning process that will help turn the right prospects into clients?” Nice question I thought to myself. Here’s a simple and effective four-step questioning process that will help you sell more successfully:

1.  Current State: Begin by getting crystal clear about your prospect’s current situation. “How would you describe what’s going on now? What do you like most/ least about the current situation?”  Have the discipline to understand their current situation before rushing towards a potential solution.
2. Future Ideal: Discover your buyer’s vision of their ideal situation. “What would you like to change about the current situation? What should be different?” Get clear on what their vision for the future looks like.
3. Prevent: Identify factors that might be barriers to the prospect of achieving their future ideal. “What’s stopping your vision from happening now? What might prevent you from reaching your future ideal state?”
4. Meaning: Clarify how the buyer will personally benefit from the solution. This question requires courage to ask. Responses to these questions allow you to understand and appeal to emotional reasons for buying.  “When your ideal vision is reached, what will it mean to you personally?”

The bottom line is: you’re in sales. It’s time to stop the resistance. What you’re selling might be unique: ideas, projects, concepts, or products. What’s not unique is that most people don’t have an effective process to sell successfully. Try the four steps above. It’s a matter of asking skillful questions, listening intently, and guiding people to their desired outcome. Happy selling and happy holidays

Leave your comments: Why do you think so many people resist the idea that they’re actually in sales? 

“Work should be personal.” Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks

Have you ever questioned a belief? Ever stepped back and asked, “Where did that thought originate? Does it really make sense for me now? What type of actions and results is this specific belief creating for me?” I’ve found it particularly healthy to occasionally question, even challenge, my beliefs. It’s time to question a belief that’s been around our work place for decades. Let’s each of us determine if it still makes sense, or decide to change it.

I’ve heard this particular belief recited in the business world over and over. Not only have I heard it, I’ve spoken it. Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate it and create a new belief. The belief I’m referring to often sounds like this: “Now remember, this is just business. It’s not personal.”  

A few years ago I began pondering the thought of business not being personal. Then it struck me, if business isn’t personal, what is it? The only other option I could think of was impersonal. The challenge this creates is that impersonal doesn’t engage. Impersonal won’t build trust. Impersonal can’t breed loyalty. Impersonal doesn’t foster innovation or collaboration. Can business really succeed when led in an impersonal manner?

Let’s get the conversation started, what do you think? Leave your comments—looking forward to reading your thoughts: Should business be conducted personally or not? What might be some problems with that old belief? How should we remedy it—what does culture look like when it’s personal? If you could articulate it, what should the new belief sound like?

“To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The meeting had ended well, including an opportunity for future business. I was reflecting on the conversation that had taken place around the gleaming cherry veneer conference table. It was a lively discussion shared with several key leaders. Almost out of the gate the Executive VP asked, “Rich, how do you know when employees are disengaged?” I spouted off some data and key points that indicate disengagement. Our conversation moved forward. Now, ten minutes after our final handshake, I’m remembering that there’s another answer to that question and it gets personal.

It was fall 2001, four years after selling my company and remaining on as Vice President. We had just experienced a significant culture shift within the organization. An employee approached me; I detected a look of concern in her eyes—it was a familiar expression worn by our staff at that time. “Rich, can I speak with you?” I noticed her voice tone and body language screaming “discouraged!” Without much thought, I responded, “Yes, I can listen… but I can’t do anything about it.” That was the phrase which embodied my personal disengagement. I had said what I had been feeling for several months: I no longer make a difference here. I was still showing up for work physically, yet emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually I had quit—I just hadn’t left. Within six months, I was gone from the only career I had known since graduating from college fifteen years earlier.

Disengagement is hard to define, yet you know it when you feel it; it can’t be expressed with numbers and statistics alone. It is…very personal. Unfortunately too many people live with its symptoms for far too long. You do not have to remain a victim of the disengagement crisis. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own engagement or lack thereof. As I reflect back on the actions I took to navigate from that place of disengagement back into engagement, here’s the lessons that appear:

• Recalibrate: Periods of disengagement are perfect opportunities to realign with your passion. Use your circumstances to reevaluate your strengths and talents. How can you put them to better use? What is it that people say you’re great at? What work activities make you feel most alive and excited? Begin to recalibrate your career so it better aligns with your answers.
• Learn: Use times of disengagement to learn new skills. What other areas of competence are needed to develop yourself and move forward? Take the necessary courses. Invest in yourself. You’re worth it.
• Intake: During times of disengagement it’s important to create a positive stream of energy for yourself. Evaluate what you’re reading. Is it uplifting and inspiring? What are you listening to on the radio or CD’s? Does it encourage you? Who are you having conversations with? Are they helping you feel more valuable? Take control of the programming you’re receiving and make it positive.
• Risk: Take risks. What have you got to lose? Remaining in a soul sapping role is not an option for you. Find the courage to get out of your comfort zone. Meet new people and seek new opportunities. Here’s a truth, you have a lot to offer. Find the place with the people who will appreciate that about you.

If you are finding yourself disengaged for the first time or if this is a pattern, it’s time to act. Consider how you can use your current circumstances as a catalyst to create an engaging work experience for yourself. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself. Disengagement is personal. What’s the first step you can take? I’ll be cheering you on.

Leave your comments: What techniques or strategies have you found helpful in moving from disengaged to engaged in the workplace?

“The difference between a hobby and a profession is practice.” Rich Schlentz

It’s 8:12 on a Wednesday morning and the two-day learning event I’m facilitating has just kicked-off; this is the moment when I recognize the achievement of my client. Standing before fourteen sales and marketing professionals, I refer to their accomplishment: six consecutive quarters of top line sales growth; impressive results given the economic challenges plaguing many industries. This is a group of high achievers with the numbers to back it up. My mind begins a side conversation, wondering: What is it that causes people to reach the top of their profession? What’s the magic bullet that launches individuals towards high levels of success? Almost in the same moment, the answer becomes crystal clear.

Practice. That’s the secret. Though it’s really not a secret at all. Deep down we hold out hope that the “magic answer” of success will be exciting and sexy; practice is neither. Most people will tell you they hate to practice; it can be boring and tedious. Alan Iverson, in his prime, was arguably one of the greatest NBA scoring guards. He’s also famous for ranting to the press about being called out for missing a practice. I wonder how this attitude contributed to the abrupt end to his career.

In his book, Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell examines the factors that contribute to high levels of success. Throughout the book, Gladwell repeatedly points to the “10,000-Hour Rule.” He claims that the key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing specific tasks for a total of approximately 10,000 hours.

Being a professional in anything takes commitment—whether you’re called to be a professional artist, musician, writer, accountant, manager, truck driver, landscaper, marketer, salesperson or stay-at-home parent. Consider the words of Steven Pressfield from The War of Art: “The amateur plays for fun. The professional plays for keeps. To the amateur, the game is his avocation. To the pro it’s his vocation. The amateur plays part-time, the professional full-time. The amateur is a weekend warrior. The professional is there seven days a week.”

You owe it to yourself, and this Universe, to be outstanding in your chosen profession. Why are you here? For what reason have you shown up? What talent is uniquely yours? How are you to give it away? Your profession is just that, giving away your gifts and fulfilling your purpose. That is where your practice lies. Choose to do the work necessary to grow and develop your profession. Begin, or continue, your march toward accumulating your very own 10,000 hours of practice. If you work long and hard enough, you might even become an overnight success.

What do you think? What else, besides consistent practice, might lead a person to the top of their profession or trade?

“Nothing pains some people more than having to think.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do  you know how to do it? Several mentors taught me about it early in my career. It made sense and worked. We practiced it after each sales appointment and completed workshop. It was efficient and effective, yielding important results. Working with my clients today, I realize how rare it is and how often it’s overlooked. That needs to change.

What is it? It’s the power of pause. After an important event we stop…reflect…ask questions…and debrief the encounter. We identify the valuable lessons from the experience. We discuss what went well and what could have gone better. We consider how to improve going forward. No matter what our titles or positions, we are first students of our trade and there’s an education available within the pause. I am grateful for this habit—it has served me well.

In today’s workplace, the power of pause is rarely utilized; sometimes it is even frowned upon. Instead, actions like pushing ahead, running faster, and producing more are revered. It’s the pause that allows the pushing, running, and producing to become more effective. There are industries that embrace the power of pause. In professional sports it’s common to stop after an event and watch game film—helping teams become more successful before moving to the next event. By stopping, reflecting, asking questions, and debriefing, they get better. Isn’t that what we’re after?

What makes for a powerful pause? What makes this time of debriefing effective? Ask questions and seek honest answers. The pause begins after you’ve completed a project, sales appointment, presentation, etc. Here are questions that can make your pause beneficial:

• What went well? Why did it work? How can we replicate it next time?
• What could have gone better? What caused that outcome? What role did I play in that? What needs to change for me to improve?
• What one thing will I do different or better next time to have greater impact?

The answers embedded in these questions are gold, yet we often neglect to dig for it. Resist the temptation to rush ahead to the next project or meeting. Ultimately, the power of pause is about gaining the understanding and insight that lead to greater professional and personal effectiveness. Embrace the power of pause—you and your organization will be better for it.

Leave your comments: How have you utilized the power of pause in your professional or personal life?

“If you don’t have trust inside your company, then you can’t transfer it to your customers.” Roger Staubach

The group of dads listened intently. Our counselor, Malcolm, gathered us around him to provide instructions, our roles, and the rules. Our daughters were off on their own, anxiously having their bandanas secured around their eyes. This exercise is called the Trust Walk we were told. Malcolm then gave us the three phrases we would whisper into our daughters’ ears before beginning our walk up the rugged trail full of rocks, tree roots, and sharp drop offs. Thinking about those three phrases still gets me emotional today.

Our daughters appeared unsure as they waited silently in their blinded state. I quietly walked up to 15-year-old Carley, stood behind her, placed my hands on her shoulders, and whispered, “Listen to my voice. You can trust me. I will never leave you.” These words shook with conviction and emotion as they emerged from my mouth. So began our trust walk. Thirty-minutes later, we successfully completed the challenging and sometimes dangerous trail. The exercise was capped off with the daughters removing their bandanas and an insightful debrief of our experience.

As powerful as those three phases are, trust is not about crafting the right words—it’s about the actions behind your words. Those expressions would ring hollow if Carley didn’t have years of evidence to believe she should listen to my voice, she could trust me, and indeed I would never leave her. Combining experience and words provides the foundation of trust which allows a team or group to successfully navigate life’s sometimes treacherous path.

An engaging and thriving workplace is built upon a foundation of trust. In organizations today there’s no shortage of impressive words and statements—yet the actions or experience behind those words have failed to make them believable. How about your followers? Why should they listen to your voice? Why should they trust you? Why should they believe that you will stick by them? Engaging leaders demonstrate, beyond their words, that they are trustworthy. Out of the fertile soil of trust grows loyalty, innovation, productivity, and profitability. Cultivating trust makes perfect business sense. What action will you take today to help your followers trust you on their walk?

Leave your comments: What are you doing to build trust with those you work beside? Recall a former leader, what causes you to trust them?

For further encouragement and inspiration, please visit the E-couragement Archives.