EXTRAordinary! Inc. The Engagement Experts

“You say you want a revolution. Well, you know, we all want to change the world.” The Beatles

Things that change in business: markets, technology, competition, and products. Things that don’t change: people. I’ve seen companies successfully navigate the rapid changes of markets, technology, competition, and products…while simultaneously struggling with people. I hear them tell me, “Rich, our biggest challenge is attracting and retaining good people.” What’s that all about? How can the most challenging area within organizations today be the one thing that has remained virtually the same—people?

Through the ages, there are countless examples of men and women who have helped shift generational beliefs. Among them was a German monk, theologian, and university professor named Martin Luther. He questioned the predominant religious thinkers of his day. He tackled some particularly thorny issues, and his ideas for change were recorded in 1517 through his Ninety-Five Theses. Because of his contrarian thinking, he was viewed as an outlaw, yet he is recognized for significantly impacting the course of Western civilization, encouraging others to share their doubts about the established church and to protest its ways.

The word that Luther’s contemporaries used to describe the endless and necessary process of change and growth is reformation. It is the core belief that all current thoughts, ideas, and actions are subject to be revisited, rethought, and reworked. Likewise, as a leader, you are called to the ongoing process of reforming the thoughts, ideas, and behaviors of your workplace culture regarding the state of employee engagement. Since, at our core, people remain virtually unchanged, perhaps it’s time to rethink the way your organization utilizes this vast and limitless power.

It’s important that those looking to you for leadership and direction believe you are in touch with their world. They want to be convinced you have a real sense of what they are experiencing and feeling. They need your awareness, followed up with meaningful and purposeful action that addresses their plight. A Chinese proverb says, “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The next best time is today.” Now is your opportunity to spur on an engagement reformation within your workplace. The best time for you to begin this process—is today.

Leave your comments: How are you rethinking and reworking your organization’s culture to positively impact employee engagement?

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” Pema Chodron

When I first opened the email I remember feeling confused, which was strange since it was from Tom Stratton. I’ve known Tom for over 10 years; he’s a good friend, a skilled communicator, and a long time subscriber to my blog. A recent posting (Make it Personal) resonated with his passion for improving relationships through effective communication and deeper understanding. Although it was common for Tom to forward blog postings along to his contact list, it was unusual to have this type of impact on me.

Tom often copies me in his emails when including my blog link. This particular time, he provided a brief bio so the recipients might have some insight about the author. Here’s what he wrote:

Dear Friends,
This is written by a friend we knew from a church in Greensboro. Janet and I attended his deceased wife’s memorial celebration a few weeks back. It was really inspiring. I wish we had met Ivy. Since we have known Rich he’s had a major career change, he and his first wife divorced, he started a business, he worked through parenting his teenage daughters, met and married Ivy and is now healing from her death… While his monthly e-letter is business oriented, you might enjoy subscribing.
Tom

As I read his description of the blog author, it seemed as if he was referring to someone else. I felt pity for that guy and all the challenges he had faced. It seemed like a tough and tragic life. Then it hit me like a stun gun…that’s me he’s talking about. That’s my life. Wholly crap!

You see, if you asked about my life, I’d tell you about my blessings. I’d talk about my two amazing daughters who’ve softened my heart and taught me priceless lessons. I’d surely mention the gift of waking up every morning and doing work that’s been placed within my heart alongside clients I love. I’d speak of the life changing insights I’d learned about myself from a marriage that ended after nineteen years. I’d share how life has taught me to open up and be vulnerable, provided me with the intimate and meaningful relationships I had always longed for. I’d surely mention my wife Ivy who died of breast cancer a mere four and a half years after we married. She created a safe place where I learned how to love a woman wholeheartedly. I might even talk about the house we bought together and how it’s become a sanctuary for me.

Can you see “ahaa” for me? The guy in Tom’s email and I are one. It’s not a tragic life at all—rather a blessed, robust, abundant, and engaging life. I can’t feel sorry for that guy. I know firsthand how full his existence really is. Life has been a wonderful teacher to me. I’ve been an attentive student. This is my experience. I’ve chosen to view it as an amazing journey and remain fully engaged. Ultimately, it’s meant to be lived and shared along side of you.

Leave your comment: How have your life experiences added depth and meaning for you?

“If I cling to the notion that something’s not possible, I’m arguing in favor of limitations. And if I argue for my limitations, I get to keep them.” Gay Hendricks

It was 2006 when I wrote my first comprehensive vision statement encompassing seven key areas of my life. Under the heading Career, one sentence reads: The cornerstone of EXTRAordinary! Inc’s success is the deep and connected relationships I share with my clients and friends. There it was, clearly spelled out in Arial 12 font. On March 13th I found myself sitting in a restaurant experiencing the full impact of that vision. It was no longer simply an inspired document—it had manifest into a powerful reality.

Mary Cloninger, CMPE, is the Executive Director of Carolina Neurosurgery & Spine Associates. She’s a smart and engaging leader who became my client in early 2005. After the death of my wife, Ivy, Mary and a number of clients rallied around me in support. She sent an email asking if we could meet for lunch. Her office is in Charlotte and I imagined we’d meet there as we had in the past. Not this time. Mary insisted she drive to Greensboro to take me out.

In between bites of lunch we talked about work, daughters, her husband, and Ivy’s passing. Then it happened. With tears in her eyes, Mary began to tell me about the impact I had on her life both personally and professionally. She mentioned how often the E-couragement speaks to and inspires her. With a Cheshire like grin she said, “Rich, so often when I’m facing a challenging decision, I hear your voice in my head providing guidance and advice.” She sincerely thanked me for the work I’d done with her and her staff over the years. Receiving her affirmation caused tears to well up in my eyes.

Pulling away from our lunch, I couldn’t help but reflect on the meaningful and personal relationships I have with my clients. That’s when it hit me. When our belief is backed by conviction and action, vision is transformed into reality. Mary was demonstrating that the vision for deep and connected relationships with my clients was no longer a future desired state. It’s my current reality. Real and tangible. Here and now.

Having a vision for your future is one way to live in an engaged manner. What’s the vision you hold for your life? Is it clear and compelling? Write it down. Read it out loud. Tell others about it. Take small action steps that move you towards it. Then, watch in wonder as it transforms from vision into reality.

Leave your comments: Tell us a vision you currently have for your professional or personal life. 

“What you say only has value when it’s relevant to your listener.” Rich Schlentz

Few things are more enjoyable than lunch conversations with old friends. I recently had one of those encounters with Allan Younger, a polished and articulate husband, dad, and businessman. Our thought provoking discussion eventually wove around to the art of selling (resist the urge to check out…you’re in sales). Allan then asked about the value of developing an elevator pitch. Whether you’ve expertly crafted your own elevator pitch (also referred to as an elevator speech) or you’re wondering what an elevator pitch is—this blog’s for you.

An elevator pitch is a long standing sales practice where a person quickly and concisely articulates their business and/or the products they sell. The hope is that by communicating this information within the time it takes for a brief elevator ride, someone becomes interested in you or your product, resulting in a business opportunity.

The issue with this process is that it travels against the fundamental concept of how we engage human beings. A more appropriate name for the elevator pitch would be elevator puke. Essentially that’s what happens. While holding a person captive, you puke your information all over them. Fortunately there is a better way to gain a person’s interest in you, your business, and your product.  

Here’s the age old secret of how others become interested in you. Stop talking. Well, that’s not completely true. First ask engaging questions and then listen intently. Simple and effective questions like:

• Tell me about the work you do…
• How did you happen to choose that line of work?
• What do you like most about it?
• What obstacles are you currently facing?

Ask these, or similar questions, and you’ll engage others by demonstrating a genuine interest in them. Armed with the responses gathered you can actually discuss your own business or products in a way that’s relevant to those you’re speaking with. Cease the elevator puke mentality. Instead, commit to the discipline of asking and listening. Then you’ll have something worthwhile to share with others.

Leave your comments: How have you successfully engaged potential customers in interesting conversation?

“We’ve found that improving employee engagement links to improvements in crucial business outcomes like customer ratings, profitability, and quality.” The Secret of Higher Performance by Jim Asplund and Nikki Blacksmith

You’ve heard it many times; most of us believe it and have repeated it: “You get what you pay for.” It’s a phrase which relates to the value we receive verses the money we pay. Something that appears free often isn’t. It’s a fairly effective rule and, like most truths, there are loopholes. In these tight and stressful economic times, what if your organization discovered a business strategy that was both free and powerful? What would it mean if you uncovered an idea that was low to no cost and produced measureable results? Well, hold on to your girdle Myrtle, there actually is such a thing.

The research is irrefutable: organizations with higher levels of employee engagement outperform the competition that score lower in this area. Here’s the kicker, you can make great strides towards creating an engaging culture without spending a penny. That’s right; you won’t even have to write a purchase order and get it approved. Here are a few engagement principles that don’t cost a dime:

• Listen. Your employees want to be heard. It’s a core human need. Listen to them. Pay attention to them. Ask good questions and express genuine interest in others.
• Appreciate. Make it a point to find the good in others. Tell people the positive traits you notice in them. The long term impact of sincere praise and appreciation outlasts any cash bonus you’ve given in the past.  
• Encourage. Help your followers grow by encouraging them to develop their strengths. Encourage them to read books, learn from coworkers, and take classes.
• Coach. Take a few moments to provide useful feedback. Help others become more successful in their roles. Demonstrate how they might be more effective by using a specific skill or tool that you’ve already mastered.

 Although you won’t need a budget for these free and powerful engagement principles, they do require courage and discipline. How can it be that these free principles are nonexistent in so many organizations? Why do companies search for innovative ways to outperform their competition while ignoring these tried and true actions that get results? How about discussing those questions at your next leadership meeting? Perhaps it’s time for you and your organization to build and sustain an engaging culture. Save money and outperform your competition. That’s smart business…it’s not a gimmick.

Leave your comments: What’s your organization doing to foster an engaging workplace and impact performance?  

“The most basic of all human needs is to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” Ralph Nichols

I took a bite of my lunch and listened intently to Tom Stevens, who was sitting across from me; it’s easy to pay attention to Tom. He spent years as a counselor before becoming a consultant, speaker, and presiding Mayor of Hillsborough, NC. His credentials are impressive, yet, for this occasion, his most important title was widower. Tom’s wife had died of cancer over 20 years ago. He reached out to me in an email one week after the death of my wife, Ivy. Meeting with him turned out to be the right decision as Tom said something that was nothing short of profound.

Driving to our lunch appointment I felt certain Tom could impart wisdom and help me through the most difficult experience in my life. I shared what I’d been doing since Ivy’s death—grief counseling, working out with my trainer, eating healthy, meeting for conversations with supportive friends, meditating, and visiting my massage therapist. Then, looking at Tom I sighed, “I know nothing I do will speed up this healing process.” After a slight pause Tom said, “Rich, you’re right. You can’t speed it up. You can slow it down.” A gap of silence loomed over that statement. I repeated it out loud, “I can’t speed it up…I can slow it down. That’s profound!” 

That brief interaction with Tom completely shifted my thinking. In order to navigate this process I’d focus on not slowing it down. I pondered all the ways to slow down the healing powers of grief. I could run from it, deny it, ignore it, busy myself and become distracted, drown it, etc. It seems the only way to not slow it down is to experience it. To show up each day and feel it. As the Buddha might say, sit with it and make friends with it allowing grief to do its work within me.

Let’s consider how this concept relates to other areas of life. Certain life responses will slow down our own growth and development process. We might find ourselves running from or denying a dream of unleashing a specific talent or ability. Sometimes we may ignore the affirmation of trusted friends who see untapped potential inside of us. We can choose to be so busy that we distract ourselves from the intuitive and guiding voice within. Like the grief process, your ability to live and work intentionally can be slowed down. Be present, available, and fully engaged with your life journey and let it have its way with you.

How are you preventing “slow down’s” in your personal/ professional life? Leave your comments.

“The closest to being in control we will ever be is in the moment we realize we’re not.” Brian Kessler

The year was 1997 and my Toyota Camry had reached the end of its life expectancy. After searching my options, I determined it was about time I purchased a cool car. This led me to the Mazda Millenia. It was midnight blue, had tan leather interior, and six cylinders that provided “get up and go” power on the interstate. At the time I had two young daughters and often found myself playing with Barbie’s and hair bows. This car provided some much needed masculinity. As I accelerated off the lot that testosterone filled morning, something caught my eye. Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience after buying a new car of your own.  

Driving home I noticed something on the highway. Mazda Millenias. During the days that followed I recognized a similar trend, more Mazda Millenias. I wondered what caused this and thought, did all these people decide to buy a cool car just like me this week? Of course that was not what happened. Those cars had been there all along. The simple fact that I had purchased my Mazda Millenia had heightened my own awareness of, and receptivity to, similar vehicles. What caused this common phenomenon was a shift in my attention and focus. 

I’ve since pondered the application of this experience for other areas in my life. I’ve contemplated, how else might I harness this power of awareness and receptivity? Just like the abundance of Mazda Millenias on the highway, what else has been in my life all along simply waiting for a shift in my attention and focus?

Let’s think in terms of important relationships, business growth, financial success, leadership, and personal strengths. What if, as an engaging leader, everything you needed to build a successful team culture with world-class results were already present? What if all the resources you needed to grow your career and fulfill your life vision were here right now? If you lacked nothing, how might that change the way you see the world and yourself?

It takes courage to ask these questions and seek your own answers. What needs to change for you to be more aware and receptive to the abundance currently waiting for you? Here’s to the many Mazda Millenias already cruising down your highway of life.

Leave your comments…

Ivy Cavanaugh-Schlentz 1965-2012

“Shower the people you love with love...” James Taylor

I haven’t written a blog in over a month. That hasn’t happened for three years. I’ve struggled with how to get started again. Then in the silence, I recalled a recent client workshop. We were discussing key engagement principles for the workplace. Particularly, we were focused on “Make it Personal,” a concept in which intentional personal connections are made with customers and coworkers. Engagement happens when we take the risk to open up and share who we are while simultaneously seeking to know and understand others. As it often happens, my teaching was reflected back to me, calling out for my own application. My first “return post” would have to involve the principle of “make it personal.” I’d open up and let readers have a look into what’s happened in my life these past couple of months.

Over the years I’ve written about my wife and our journey through stage 4 metastatic breast cancer (Your Answers Lie Within, A Sign of the Times). I’ve blogged about how she has had such a positive impact in my life (Reflect). Our relationship lasted just over five years and on January 3, 2012 she passed away. Our last three weeks were spent in the hospital palliative care unit. The entire five years, and especially the final weeks, overflowed with personal learning. Many of which, I’m sure, will be fashioned into future blog lessons.

One particular experience sticks out in my mind. During our hospital stay, a song lyric continued to serenade my mind and heart. It was unprovoked and random, appearing while riding the elevator down to the cafeteria, sitting quietly by Ivy’s bedside, or even driving home to gather a clean set of clothes for the day. This song would powerfully emerge and have its way with me. It was the chorus from James Taylor’s, Shower the People. It goes like this:

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Things are gonna be much better if you only will

This chorus was relevant and meaningful because Ivy and I were experiencing our very own shower of love. In so many ways we were drenched in love by family and friends from around the globe. We received prayers, encouraging Facebook posts, emails, cards, visits, flowers, and delicious, timely meals. We were wholly and beautifully loved.

I’ve pondered this experience. Why were we the beneficiaries of so much loving-kindness. I believe the answer is that in our living, we make it personal. Ivy spent much of her life connecting with and encouraging others. She did this methodically, one person at a time. People felt listened to and cared for in her presence. She remembered what they said and followed up to check in on how they were doing. This love we were receiving was a result of the law of sowing and reaping. Ivy had sown love, and as the universe promises, this was our time of harvest.  

I’ve entered a new season of my life—one without Ivy’s physical presence by my side. I nervously anticipate what 2012 will bring. I will encounter significant dates like Valentine’s day, Ivy’s birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, to name a few. When I wonder how I might navigate those important events, I relax and think, I’ll just soak myself in the shower of love that is sure to come my way.  

Gratefully yours,

Rich 

**Special thanks to my friends and colleagues Jerome Daley and Chris Laney who stepped in and helped me as guest bloggers for the month of January. I appreciate your talent and support.

Leave your comments…

Today’s E-couragement comes from writer/pilot Christopher Laney, blog author of Lessons from the Cockpit: Everyday Wisdom from the Flying Life.

There’s an old aviation joke that gets passed down often. It usually surfaces during the required night flight that every student must take during training. Night flights are stressful in a single engine plane. During the day, if you lose an engine, you’ve been trained to identify suitable fields within gliding distance for an emergency landing. But on a dark night with little moonlight, it’s impossible to distinguish an open field from a grove of trees.

Invariably, the student quizzes the flight instructor on the procedure for a lost engine at night. The conversation usually goes something like this:

Student: “What do I do if I lose the engine on the night flight?”

Instructor: “If there are no runways or interstates within gliding distance, maneuver away from the lit spaces, which are cities and towns, and fly toward a dark area.

Student: “But how do I know whether I’m headed toward an open field or a bunch of trees?”

Instructor: “As you get closer to the ground, turn on your landing light.”

Student: “And then what?”

Instructor: “If you don’t like what you see, turn it back off…”

Most of the time, it takes a few moments for the joke to sink in. The instructor’s smirk usually accelerates the realization, which is: turn the light back off because you don’t want to see what is about to happen.

But the flip side to this kidding around, is a wise piece of advice that is often relayed for a true emergency:

Never stop flying the plane, no matter what.

All may seem lost, but you still must fly the plane, even if it’s all the way down to the crash. Why? Because until you hit the ground, you still have some control, and you may be able to minimize impact somehow, even if you don’t have a nice open field to land in.

A prime example is Captain “Sully” Sullenberger’s response on US Airways Flight 1549. With both engines out over one of the largest cities on earth and no chance of making it back to the airport, a lesser person might have thrown his hands in the air and thought, why bother? But Sully flew the plane. He flew it all the way to the point of impact and didn’t lose a single soul.

Never stop flying the plane; never give up.

Of course, this is about influencing the outcome of what you can control, while letting go of what you can’t. And it has been written more eloquently than me in the Serenity Prayer. But the last line of that prayer is the kicker: having the wisdom to know the difference. May we always be able to tell.

And for all those items outside your control, just turn the landing light off and let go.

Christopher Laney is a writer/pilot/fitness instructor who seeks to wring the most out of life and loves sharing what he’s learned with others. He’s owned and grown two separate multi-million dollar businesses and is an in-demand speaker. Author of the blog, Lessons from the Cockpit: Everyday Wisdom from the Flying Life, Christopher also writes for magazines and recently completed a novel about discovering life’s hidden clues that show us who we are meant to be.

For further encouragement and inspiration, please visit the E-couragement Archives.