EXTRAordinary! Inc. The Engagement Experts

Captain Suggester: Clayton Halls

One…two…I gripped the steel bar tighter as if that would make the weight lighter. Three…four…my biceps were already burning. Five…six…I was eagerly anticipating when this set would finally be completed. Seven…eight…I took a deep breath, only two more. Nine…that’s when I heard it. He blurted it out, perfectly centered between the ninth and tenth reps. In the next few seconds, I had a decision to make.  

My trainer, Clayton Halls, had just shouted, “Two more Rich.” Our original goal was ten. My biceps were ready to fail. Yet, following his suggestion, two more reps were completed. I immediately began to contemplate this phenomenon. Clayton had made a simple suggestion. Even though I was ready to stop, I pushed myself and accomplished a better result. Twelve repetitions instead of ten, measured in business terms, is a twenty percent increase in productivity—that’s significant.

“The power of suggestion” is a familiar phrase. McDonald’s has made millions utilizing the suggestive phrase, “Would you like fries with that?” Yet considering my interaction with Clayton, a new thought entered my mind. I didn’t push myself further, work harder, and endure more pain simply because a suggestion was made. My actions were directly tied to the person who made the suggestion. Clayton was the reason I continued. The suggester has greater power than the suggestion itself.

A powerful suggester pulls more out of others. They encourage people to go beyond self-imposed limitations. Suggesters cause others to accomplish something they may not do on their own. Let’s consider a few qualities that make for a powerful suggester:

• Trust—Clayton is a powerful suggester because I trust him. Trust is built over time. It begins with rapport and grows with multiple interactions. If you’re trustworthy, your suggestions have more power.
• Have your best interest in mind—Clayton wasn’t focused on making his job easier. He understands my goals and made the suggestion based on what’s best for me.
• Personal example—Clayton applies the suggestion of “two more” in his own life. He’s credible because he walks the talk. He never asks me to do what he hasn’t or wouldn’t do himself.
  

How are you impacting people’s lives as a suggester? Have you earned the right to ask, “two more” of others? If you are trustworthy, have their best interest in mind, and set a personal example, you can help others push beyond self-imposed limitations. Leave a lasting mark on people as a powerful suggester—that’s one way to live and work in an engaging manner.  

Leave your comments: Who has impacted your life as a powerful suggester?  

“You’re afraid to show people what you’ve got inside.” He said. “And that’s where the best stuff is, the stuff that’s buried way deep down.” Red Foxx to Bernie Mac, Maybe You Never Cry Again

I had been a fan of TED talks long before receiving the voice mail from Neil Belenky almost a year ago. Neil revealed that the license for a local TEDx event in Greensboro had been secured and they were looking for a presentation coach. I said yes, joining a committed group of volunteers critical to making this occasion a success. In the end, TEDx Greensboro was one of the most rewarding roles I’d ever experienced. Working beside the volunteers and speakers was both meaningful and moving. Shortly after the full-day event concluded, I found myself reflecting upon what had made these diverse messages so powerful. It became clear that one key trait moves listeners from interested to engaged.

All of our twelve presenters are experts in their fields; each is articulate, intelligent, successful, and prepared, but there’s more to it than that. In the end, one critical ingredient causes an audience to laugh, cry, gasp, and cheer. Passion. Passion is hard to define yet we know it when we see it. On Tuesday April 16, 2013, at TEDx Greensboro, our local experts took the stage at the Greensboro Historical Museum where one hundred attendees saw what passion looks and sounds like. See for yourself. Click on the name to watch their inspiring presentation:

• Kip Blakely, VP of Industry and Government Relations TIMCO Aviation Services is passionate about the future of flight.
• Dr. Cyndi Briggs, Teacher, co-founder of Imagination Installations, writer, consultant, and activist is passionate about helping you embrace your dreams.
• Rev. David Fraccaro, Executive Director, FaithAction International House is passionate about turning strangers into neighbors.
• Daniel Herr, Nanoscience Department Chair at the Joint School of Nanoscience and Nanoengineering is passionate about really small stuff.
• Spoma Jovanovic, PhD Associate Professor, Department of Communication Studies, UNCG is passionate about fueling conversations that generate change.
• Preston Lane, Artistic Director, Triad Stage is passionate about radical collaboration.
• Katie Marshall, UNCG graduate and corporate professional is passionate about the successful journey from student to professional.
• Troy McConnell, entrepreneur is passionate about acting, asking, and adapting.
• George Scheer, Collaborative Director, Elsewhere is passionate about elsewhere becoming everywhere.
• Justin Smith is passionate about lights that transform neighborhoods and communities.
• Thomas C. Wall, MD FACC CPE, Executive Medical Director, Triad HealthCare Network is passionate about healthcare that serves the right patient at the right time for the right reasons.
• Josephus Thompson III, Poet, is passionate about planting dreams and watching them grow.

There you have it. It takes more than being articulate and intelligent. It’s not enough to be successful and prepared. To those qualities you must add passion. Like yeast used as a leavening agent causing dough to expand and rise, passion is the key communication ingredient causing your listeners to rise and take action. The passion that radiated from these speakers made me to want to act, change, and make a difference. That’s what being engaged is all about.

Leave your comments: What are you passionate about?

“Our work isn’t as much about how others react to us, but about how we act towards them.” Bruce Schneider

I was headed north towards Marymount University in Arlington, VA. I had prepared a keynote presentation for student leaders assembled from four universities in the northern Virginia region. This was not my traditional audience of corporate professionals and I was out of my comfort zone. Right on cue, the voice of doubt made its presence known. You don’t have anything in common with them…why should they listen to you…what made you think you could pull this off, were thoughts cluttering my mind. In desperation, I called my twenty-two year old daughter, Taylor, certain she could offer advice about this particular audience. The coaching she offered was wise and fundamental. Just what I needed to hear.  

“Dad, be yourself. I’ve heard you speak. They’ll like you. Your message will work for them” were the comforting words Taylor provided. She unknowingly reminded me of the concept I refer to as The Generation Myth. With a Chicken Little mentality, we’re told of this complex phenomenon in which four generations are now working side-by-side in the workplace. Taylor’s advice was grounded in a fundamental truth. Although the audience was thirty years younger than me, they’re still people. Fostering the idea that there are great generational divides prevents us from engaging one another. Recalling our fundamental human connections helps to dispel the generation myth.

I’m not proposing that all generations are identical; there are subtle differences we’d be wise to recognize. What I am suggesting is that every generation is more similar than different. It makes sense to focus on the many commonalities we share rather than highlight the few differences. Here’s a look at a few areas where all generations connect:

• We want to be heard.
• We want to take part in meaningful work.
• We want to contribute and make a difference.
• We want to feel genuinely appreciated.
• We want to be recognized as a person rather than a “number” at work.
• We want to develop into our full potential.

Having four generations working side-by-side is not a new concept. No need to get all flustered up about it. Your best opportunity to engage others is not by highlighting what’s different. Instead, focus on what makes us similar—our core human values. That’s what I did at Marymount University. Afterwards, I received a thank you note from my contact, Anne Aichele, Director of Student Leadership. She wrote, “The students were engaged and truly enjoyed their interaction with you. I really believe you have a new target audience.” I was reminded, even with thirty years difference, we have more in common than not. Take the advice from Generation “Y” Taylor Schlentz: be yourself. That works best—no matter what your age.

“If the point of life is the same as the point of a story, the point of life is character transformation.” Donald Miller

One skill I work on with presenters is how to handle challenging questions from the audience. So, it’s perplexing that a seemingly simple question has so often stumped me this past year. Since my wife’s death, it’s the question I’m most often asked. It’s never asked with malice—rather delivered with genuine care and concern. Yet I hesitate…stumble over my words, furrow my brow, ramble with lack of clarity, and generally feel uncomfortable with how to answer. Recent reading has helped me get a grip on what my real answer to this question should be.

The most challenging question since Ivy’s death has been, “How are you doing?” See, I told you this was puzzling. I’ve felt unusually disconnected between the response I’ve given and my true feelings. Perhaps part of the dilemma is how my internal ego voice tends to monitor and edit my response. It likes to interrupt my authentic voice with comments like, “What do you think they want to hear? Be sure you don’t make them feel uncomfortable.”

As a result, I’d often reply, “I’m starting to feel like my old self again.” In reality, this answer is a lie. Not an intentional lie, simply a lack of internal awareness and how to properly articulate it. You see, although I am feeling better, I’m not back to my old self. I can’t go back to being my old self—that’s impossible. From here on out, I’ll have a new answer to the question, “How are you doing?” One that is more accurate and authentic. “I’m changed.”

Tragedy, adventure, joy, and grief, are never intended to lead us back to our old self. Our life experiences have a greater objective—to radically change us and move us toward who we’re intended to be. Similar to the literature we love and the movies we pay a premium to watch, life is about character transformation. Our life story allows us to face our fears, overcome challenges, and forge internal qualities necessary to leave our legacy. Here’s to never going back—to moving forward—to personal change.

Leave your comments: How has a life experience helped change you?

“Risk requires bleeding for our dreams.” Dan Allender, PhD

My daughter, Carley, was relaxing and watching a favorite show when I overheard it. The advertisement for a revolutionary new fitness product made its post new year debut. The zealous voice-over used descriptors like, “easy…only minutes a day…fun…amazing results.” This marketing strategy is timeless. Ever since Suzanne Somers showed us how to simultaneously smile, watch television, and sculpt our thighs, Americans have had a love affair with the illusion of infomercial promises. I’m wondering what this quest for achieving amazing results with painless ease says about our culture.  

I’ve recently completed the book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, by Donald Miller. His writing prods us to live our own epic story rather than seeking an escape through a Hollywood version. Yet Miller makes no promises of ease, simplicity, or fun. Rather, he candidly reminds us of the high cost, sometimes excessive pain, of living a life of risk and adventure. This caused me to consider people I respect—those who have inspired me to accept the inherent risk of a story worth living.  

• Chris and Kelly Avis were married in 1987. For the last twenty-six years they’ve raised five children who have not always followed the path prayed over them. They’ve built and lost businesses. They’ve worked harder than anyone I know to create and foster a close and committed marriage rarely found in today’s society.
• LaDonna Martin was twenty-four when her husband, a North Carolina Highway Patrolman was killed in a high speed chase. As a grieving widow, she leveraged her career as a Registered Nurse and returned to school. After several highly focused years, she obtained her Bachelors of Science in Nursing, a Master’s of Science in Nursing, and completed a nurse-anesthesia program to become a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist. She’s been a highly successful CRNA for over 20 years at a local trauma hospital.
• Emily Howard left the security of her state job in the 1990’s to follow a hunch that she might be good at selling and teaching Dale Carnegie programs. Her ensuing passage might best be described as a hair raising high speed rollercoaster. In September 2012 she fulfilled a dream and became the Dale Carnegie franchise owner of Central & Eastern North Carolina.

None of these people would describe their journey as easy, fun, or taking merely minutes a day. Much of their story they never anticipated. They could look you in the eyes and explain the pain, sacrifice, loneliness, frustration, and difficulty they encountered. They would tell you that their achievements have required more hours than they’ll ever be able to calculate. They might also share that their journeys have changed them forever and the results have been truly amazing. They’d surely use descriptors like meaningful, priceless, and life altering. There’s an engaging and epic novel you’re destined to write for your life. Good-bye ease. Hello life changing challenges. Hollywood has nothing on you.

Leave your comments: Tell us about an accomplishment you’re particularly proud of and how the experience has helped shape you.

I sat down with my client, an accomplished business person. After courageously leaving the security of her corporate world, she created a meaningful and successful small business. Our agenda for this coaching session was to review numbers she had put together. Before digging in, I asked, “How are you doing? Lately, it appears you might be feeling down and distracted.” After a slight pause, she responded, “I was wondering how noticeable it had been.” She continued, describing her journey over the last several years with words like, fear, hopeless, and discouraged. She said these feelings were a result of her being stuck in a particular aspect of her life—and remaining stuck was taking its toll.

In 2005 I was financially stuck. I had hit an “earnings ceiling” for several years and seemed incapable of breaking through. Over time, with the help of my professional coach, I was able to make several changes within myself. The result was an entirely new level of business growth and revenue production. Although there is no single formula for becoming unstuck, here are a few principles that worked for me:

1. Your circumstance is not against you. I found it simple to make my circumstance an enemy. I blamed the economy, my competition, and even my clients for keeping me in a financial sinkhole. I had to stop using blame and excuses as a way to justify my predicament.
2. Your circumstance is on your side. This was particularly tough for me to grasp. For many years I believed my circumstance was the reason I was stuck. This required a complete reversal in thinking. My financial circumstance was the exact teacher I needed to grow and change into the person who could create a breakthrough.
3. You got yourself stuck—you can get yourself unstuck. Initially, this sounds harsh. It’s actually empowering. In order for me to become unstuck, I had to change what got me stuck in the first place. Me. A change in personal thinking, belief, and action set me free.
4. You’ll need support. Change is difficult and scary. Some people preferred that I remain the same—they were more comfortable with the Rich who was stuck. I had to move away from those relationships. Although my ability to overcome was inside of me, I still needed the support and belief of those who wanted to see me fully evolve.

Most everyone has experienced being stuck. Perhaps you’ve been stuck on a financial plateau, in a bad relationship, in a career that didn’t fit, or with a lack of health and well-being. It’s easy to over-complicate the concept of being stuck. Our life is full of habits – some serving us well, some not. Being stuck is simply a habit we’ve formed that keeps us in a place we rather not be. Becoming unstuck requires that we first recognize, and then undo, those habits and patterns which trap us. You’re designed to be free—today is a good day to start living that way.

Leave your comments: What other effective ways have you found to help get unstuck?

“The enlightened celebrate what others take for granted.” Michael Bernard Beckwith

As a speaker, it’s tempting to get swept away in the hoopla. There are exotic destinations, airline upgrades, elegant hotels, and limo drivers. There’s fine dining surrounded by important business executives. Audience feedback might be lavished with praise and appreciation. These encounters can cause ego to soar into the clouds like a helium balloon stolen from a child’s grip. In an effort to counteract that, I rely on several practices to help me remain firmly grounded.

Towels waiting to be folded

It’s not that we shouldn’t think highly of ourselves. On the contrary, across the board, we could all use a boost in self confidence. We are of great value. Sometimes in our busy doing lives, we get confused between our authentic self and our ego self. In order to recalibrate and stay grounded in the real me, I intentionally embrace a number of activities:

• Laundry duty at home. There’s something about separating whites and darks, cleaning lint traps, and folding clothes that helps me stay in the moment. In a meditative laundry state my mind chatter can quiet itself as life reminds me of its simple nature. 

• Lunch preparation for school. A task that reconnects me to my
  

  Lunch ready for packing

  daughter while we’re apart during the day. I’ve already had one daughter grow out of this season. In two and a half more years, no one will need me to fix and pack their lunch anymore. In the meantime, it’s honorable work.

• Coffee conversation with friends. These talks, void of agenda’s, outcomes, or action steps refresh and uplift me. I’m reminded how we’re all connected in this journey. Listening to a friend with a nonjudgmental spirit is one of life’s greatest gifts.

• Chats with clients—off the clock. I’ve nurtured meaningful relationships with my clients that get personal. We create informal time, apart from business, to chat about our lives and our dreams.

In our hyper-distracted culture, it can be difficult to remain centered and grounded. If my venues become empty, frequent flyer miles vanish, and fine dining turns into take-out, it’s important to know who I am. I resist the temptation to take the above activities for granted as they ensure I remain close to the real me. After all, at the end of the day, I’m lacking nothing. I am enough.

Leave your comments: How do you remain grounded and centered?